Tuesday, July 08, 2008

In Remembrance: Kenneth Charles White


My little brother passed away last night. He was 45. He had a sudden heart attack, and though the paramedics tried for 45 minutes to save him, he died at the hospital sometime late last night.

I just learned this news less than 90 minutes ago. It's completely unexpected. Somehow it just never occurred to me that he would not outlive me. I just never thought about it at all. Now that he's gone, and the way that he's gone, makes me intensely aware that I am very much at risk also and will have to start taking much better care of myself if I don't want my mother to have to bury another child.

We called him Casey, after his first two initials. When he became an adult, he preferred to be called Ken, or at the very least, K.C. I never could get used to calling him anything but Casey, but begrudgingly agreed to type it K.C. in my emails to him.

Casey and I were best chums as children. We did everything together, we had all the same friends. He was a hellion and gave my mother no end of worry and frustration, but of course we loved him anyway. One day I learned how much I loved him. We were out playing on our bikes with some friends. He was probably no more than seven at the time. The boys decided they were going to ride their bikes down this very steep, wooded hill. When it came Casey's time to go down, he started out okay, but lost control halfway down and careened to the bottom, hanging on for dear life. At the bottom he crashed and, standing at the top, I saw him under his bike, and the way his arm suddenly went limp absolutely terrified me. I went running down the hill as fast as I could, screaming his name over and over at the top of my lungs. I guess he'd just been knocked out for a moment, because he was fine, and got up and rode off without a look back at that hill.

I used to babysit him a lot. I walked him to school every day. I even cooked for him quite often, when our mother was still at work. We were a team, Casey and I. Me and him against the world. In a very real sense, this was true, because our Mum had to work so much to support us, she was away a lot. So we had to look out for each other. I'm afraid I didn't do very well as a surrogate mom, but I was only a kid myself too.

Casey went to live with my dad in Newfoundland for a while when we were teenagers. That was when our connection broke, and we never really got it back. When he returned to Ottawa, I was already away at college, and it was 20 years before I came back to Ottawa to live. He had moved to the area around Duncan, B.C., on Vancouver Island, a couple of years before I left BC, and he stayed there...till now. He had finally found a place in the world where he was happy, where he could work at something he liked, and he even found a surrogate family in the wonderful people whose farm he worked and lived on. I intend to write to them and thank them for being so good to Casey these past several years. They've been a true blessing to him.

For all that we were best friends as children, we were strangers as adults, and I regret that. The saving grace is that we'd been trying to re-establish our bond in the past year or so. He finally got internet access, so we were able to exchange emails and photos and stuff, and it was nice to have a brother again. I hope he was a happy yesterday.

Casey, I love you. I never told you that enough. I'll miss you.

7 comments:

Susan said...

Patti, I'm so sorry for your sudden loss. What a lovely tribute you wrote about your brother and so nice that you and he had begun a reconnection before he died. Sending you lots of love and comfort from Nova Scotia, xo S, Winn, Lulu, Bleet, Gus & Oliver

Barbara Martin said...

By writing about the times you had with your brother tells me about the closeness you had with him. And, if this eases your heart any, he does know how much you loved him. May your angels bring you comfort in your grief.

CoreyLee said...

Hi I dated your brother he was a doll I feel your loss. Coreylee

CoreyLee said...

Hi I dated your brother he was a doll I feel your loss. Coreylee

Patti said...

Thank you CoreyLee. I was always sorry I never got to know more of Casey's friends. When and where did you know him?

CoreyLee said...

I'm hoping so and hoping not. But it seems to b him. Near Huntsville ark

CoreyLee said...

I'm hoping so and hoping not. But it seems to b him. Near Huntsville ark