Patticabulary: Waiting

In an odd instance of synchronicity today, the word "waiting" became significant.

I was up by 8:00 and debating whether or not to go to church. In case the concept of me, an atheist, attending church baffles you...this is a Unitarian church. God is only a part of their services in the private thoughts of those members who believe in him/her/them. Atheists are welcome and feel comfortable there, and I like the opportunity to spend a little over an hour being reflective and feeling like part of a community. This morning we had a very interesting talk by a transgendered woman (mtf) who made me feel good when she said there wasn't a place in Ottawa that she could think of that discriminates against people like her. I like that my city is so tolerant of people who have suffered so much discrimination in other places.

The theme for today's main service was waiting. The minister did a reading by an author named Kathleen McTigue. It was called "stalking muskrats," and she spoke of finding a still, quiet place inside herself, where her own self-awareness faded and she became part of the life around her. It wasn't until she learned that, that the muskrats showed themselves to her. That's how I interpreted it, anyway. She came to know that life, the muskrats, would not appear until she found that still place inside. The moment she moved, or even thought too much, the muskrat would vanish, leaving nothing more than a ripple in the water.

Then the minister started her own part of the sermon with these words: "What are you waiting for?"

Indeed.

Of course, my thoughts immediately went to my career situation. What AM I waiting for? Certainly not a sign from god...even though I was at church. I'm waiting to discover what my passion is. I feel like I need to know that before I make any further decisions about my life. I'm waiting to know what is the right thing for me.

Then, after church was over, the first song I heard on the radio was about waiting. I wish I could remember who sang it...it was good. I'd heard it before. But the coincidence of the "waiting" lyrics wasn't lost on me.

When I arrived at the restaurant to meet my folks for brunch, there was a line-up and I had to wait. And wait...and wait. I've never seen it so busy there. And there was a line-up the entire time we were there, and still people waiting when we finally left.

There's no good or bad about the word waiting, in and of itself. Waiting can be a bad thing if you're hungry and there's a big line-up and your mother can't stand up for too long. It's a good thing when you're waiting for something exciting. The wait is half the fun, really, isn't it? Think of the wait for Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner. It's all about the build-up, because the event itself is over in a flash and then you're left wondering what happened.

She spoke of how we all spend so much of our lives waiting. Waiting to grow up. Waiting to be a teenager, waiting to learn to drive, to graduate, to get married. Waiting to grow up was her big one. Even as a middle aged woman, she is still growing up...and I can related to that completely.

The kind of waiting Kathleen McTigue did can be rewarding. Finding that still, quiet place inside where you can experience the truth of your life and discover things your mind scares away from you with its incessant busy-ness. I need to find that place. I need to wait and allow my truth to reveal itself to me.

But not for too long, I hope!