I've been googling "cooking for one" today, having decided that I absolutely must be more adult about my home life once I move back to Ottawa. Knowing myself, I can't avoid a realistic pessimism about this, because I've vowed to improve this several times before and it's never made a difference. Seems I can only really be a grown-up when there's someone else there to pretend for.
But at 47, with spreading hips, aching joints and high blood pressure, I simply can't afford to continue living like I'm a teenager whose parents have gone away for the weekend. I've gotta grow up! Besides, it would be nice if the reality of my home life reflected the type of person I like to think I am. Mature, self-reliant, capable and just a little bit classy.
Some of the articles I found during a Google search on "cooking for one" reflected my solitary home life quite accurately. Some were a little depressing. One guy seemed to think living alone was, overall, a pretty pathetic existance only to be tolerated when other alternatives weren't available. He quotes American writer and philosopher Eric Hoffer, who asked: "But what are we when we are alone? Some, when they are alone, cease to exist." The blogger goes on to add: others, presumably, just hobble along and many argue that living alone has given them the independence they have always yearned for.
I suppose my own reality is a blend of ceasing to exist, hobbling and yearned-for independence. Thank god for the internet, is all I can say, or the ceasing to exist part might have, after all this time, turned me into one of those crazy reclusive people whose apartments, in the movies, are always filled to the rafters with cats and old newspapers.
It's quite a coincidence to find this quote though. Several times this past year I've thought to myself that I feel as if, the moment I leave the office, I just cease to exist. My natural tendency toward reclusiveness does not get contested here, so all my free time is spent alone. Not healthy.
I do need a lot of alone-time though. I mean, a LOT. It's one of the things that makes me fear I'll never be able to exist in a long-term relationship. To be honest, the only reason I fear being alone forever is that I don't like the idea of a lonely old age. For me, wanting a long-term relationship is like taking Buckleys Mixture because you know it'll make you feel better, even though you hate the taste. (One of my favourite TV ads is the one where they show all the people making faces after taking a spoonful of the nasty stuff.)
At any rate, alone or not, I need to improve my eating habits. So that's why I was googling "cooking for one." One thing I've decided after some reading is that I'm going to get myself a small crock pot when I get back. That way I can throw some stuff into it before I leave for work, and with very little effort I'll have a meal ready when I get home. Some stuff for lunches too, which are another major change I need to make. I spend way too much money on eating out at lunch. Now that I have a car loan, I'm really going to need to watch my pennies for a few years.
I also need to get, and keep, my apartment in a decent state, so that I don't have to live in fear of unexpected visitors. I will have to find a cleaning lady. One or two times a month should do it. Just for the heavy stuff, like vacuuming and scrubbing the bathroom, and dusting. The rest is just clutter which I will have to handle myself. A place for everything and everything in its place. (But, I just know my spare bedroom will turn into a junk room.) And now that I'll have laundry machines right on my own floor, I should be able to keep up with my laundry more efficiently.
I'm sitting here at my computer, next to the only window in my little apartment. This place gets really gloomy when I keep the curtains shut, so I've opened them up as wide as they'll go to let in some natural light. It was looking like it was going to be sunny earlier, but now it's settled into an overall flat grey up in the sky. Either way, it's much better with the curtains open. Makes me feel less like a slug and more like a human being. It also makes me think that I'm going to have four windows to deal with when I move. Not sure I have enough curtains for all four! Not sure there will be fixtures with which to hang them! I can just see me living with bedsheets over the windows for far too long because I haven't bothered to install proper curtains.
Bill! Tonia! Window detail! ;-)
*sigh* I'm pathetic. LOL
No comments:
Post a Comment