Winding down

Three more months. October, November and December. Not even ALL of December...just most of it. And then I'm moving back home again.

I can't wait.

I can't wait to get out of this cramped little room I've been living in all year. I can't wait to have a full-sized fridge again, and a stove and oven, and a bed I don't have to climb up to and perform contortions to get into. I can't wait to get back to a regular routine. I can't wait to stop thinking I can't do things because I don't want to get involved in something and then skip out on it. Most of all I can't wait to be close to my family and friends again.

If it wasn't for them, there's a good chance I might not have been moving back. I might have wound up staying permanently in Nova Scotia or Newfoundland. I'll be honest...the temptation was huge. Especially regarding the opportunity in Newfoundland. I love it there. The idea of living there really appealed to me.

But after a lot of really difficult, heart-wrenching soul-searching, I realized I don't belong there. I belong in Ottawa. It's why I went back there a year after my marriage ended in British Columbia. I reminded myself that after moving back home I never once had a single regret in five years, nor a single desire to move away. I reminded myself how I get choked up every single time I drive past the Parliament buildings, how proud I feel to live in Canada's capital. How nice it is to be able to see my parents and friends regularly. To have a solid base and a support system. I've felt very alone here most of the time.

So, now that the decision is made and I don't have to grapple with any big issues anymore, I can look forward to the process of getting home again. Getting all my stuff back. Do you realize how stressful it is to live without the simple things you've collected over the years that make your life a little more comfortable? The example that always comes to my mind for some reason is my steel ruler. I rarely used the thing, but I always knew where to find it when I needed to measure something. Living here I haven't had a way to measure anything for the last eight months. Silly...but little things like that wear on you as they begin to accumulate.

I don't even have any special plans for when I get home. Just get there, get my own place and get back to my old life. I'll go back to doing some volunteer work...maybe something that will bring me into contact with more people. I think I'll join Toastmasters. Little stuff like that. But it'll be a normal life. None of this waiting and seeing, no holding back because things might not be permanent.

It'll be so great.