Adventure Update

Written October 16/05

Since my last blog about my possible temporary relocation to Halifax, I had been growing more and more agitated about the whole thing. It had been two and a half weeks since I'd heard anything at all from the VP in charge of the project. I didn't know if I was going or not. I didn't know if the project was even going forward.

I'm the kind of person who can handle almost anything as long as I have control over my own destiny. Not knowing whether I was going or not was driving me to distraction. I was getting very emotional about it, very moody.

This weekend was significantly better. I joined some "rat friends" for dinner after work on Friday night. Saturday morning I had brunch with my parents, as it was my birthday. Saturday afternoon, I spent a couple of hours manning a table at a book fair for the volunteer group I work with. It was quite enjoyable. Especially as I'd been given a challenge to pass the time: to see how many words I could find within the word "ENTERTAINMENT". I got up to 87 by the time it was 6pm and time to shut down. And at 6, a friend showed up. He'd invited me out to celebrate my birthday. He wanted to see a movie, so we went to see "Corpse Bride" which was quite enjoyable. The kind of movie I describe as "entertaining" which means it kept my attention throughout and was good enough so that I wasn't distracted by bad scripting or poor effects etc.

Anyway...I started this post to give an update on the situation with my job. As I said, I'd been getting progressively more agitated about being kept on hold for an answer, and it finally culminated four or five days ago with a phone call with my mother in which we both ended up crying. I think one of my biggest concerns about going away is that my mother is not well. It's not anything I can do anything about. It's not something that will be easier for her to bear if I'm here...except maybe emotionally. I also think I realized something pretty important a few days ago. I have separation anxiety. I may not see my mother every day, but I rely on her being there. I lived away from her for about 20 years, and now that I'm back, I had never intended to move away from her again, and here I am maybe about to do it. I'm scared to go away from her...it's true.

Yesterday morning at brunch, Jack and Mum gave me a couple of birthday gifts. Jack gave me (well, his name was on the card, but Mum got them and let him be the one they were "from") a pair of diamond studs for my ears. I had told Mum I wanted them when she asked a few months ago what I wanted for my birthday, and I knew she would get them, so they were no surprise (though they WERE very much appreciated). The second gift WAS a surprise. A little heart-shaped locket with blue mother of pearl inlay on the front. Inside there were tiny photos of my mother and grandmother. On the card it had said the gift was so I'd have guardian angels watching over me. I just about broke down and sobbed in the restaurant. I'm all teary just writing this.

I think that was the most precious gift I ever got. I wish I never had to take it off, but I don't want to shower in it, so I think I'll get a longer chain for it so I can slip it over my head to shower, because I know I'd find it too awkward to undo the clasp and do it back up every day.

Anyway...that tearful conversation on the phone with my mother was a bit cathartic, and the next day I went to my boss and told him how stressed out I was about waiting for news, and he told me to write to the VP..."write every day if you have to," he said...which is, I know, HIS strategy when he's not receiving answers from head office fast enough. So, I did write to the VP, and on Friday morning there was an answer in my email asking me to extend my week-long trip to Nova Scotia next week by a couple of days so I can attend this big two-day meeting in Halifax. By the end of the second day of the meeting, he said, I should know if I'm to be asked to relocate.

Just knowing when I'll find out, even though it's more than two weeks away, has really allowed me to relax about the whole thing. I'll know in enough time to give 2 months notice to my landlords, if I need to, and should have at least two months to prepare myself to move, both physically and mentally.

I had been considering putting most of my stuff in storage and renting a furnished apartment in Halifax, but I've given up that idea. The company will pay to move all my stuff, so I might as well take it with me. At least that way I'll have the comfort of my own belongings around me in a strange place.

I think my ex-boss, who is already living out in Nova Scotia, as she was transferred several months ago, is going to give me her best shot at convincing me to stay in Nova Scotia permanently to work for her. And she can be very persuasive...but I can be very stubborn. If I did work for her, I'd be about 3 hours from Halifax, with a very small population. What would I do there?? Ottawa is a city of a million people, and I still sometimes think I'd like to move to Toronto where there are MORE people. (Odd, as I am such a hermit.)

Anyway, for now I'm at peace about the whole thing and will wait patiently until November first to learn my fate (or my destiny, as my mother prefers to call it). In the meantime, I have one staff member off sick from a stroke, and no idea when she'll be back. Her replacement leaves a lot to be desired, but he's better than nothing, I suppose. My second in command, will probably be leaving too, to take a different kind of job in the office.

There's just too much uncertainty right now, I guess. So much is up in the air. I guess I'm getting too old for that...I don't deal with it as well as I used to. I don't remember having got nearly this worked up in 1991 when Phil and I decided to pick up and move to BC with no jobs and nowhere of our own to live. I'll have to dig out my old journals from that time and see if I can figure out if I was scared or just excited.