My landlady is trying to drive me crazy. I've had one -- ONE -- home-cooked meal (I don't count my own pathetic fare) since moving here, and I came home after treating myself to breakfast at Smitty's just now and the house smells like freshly baked bread.
I don't care if you've just stuffed yourself to the point of explosion. The smell of freshly baked bread will make you drool. Arrghh!!! Sometimes it's the smell of roast turkey. Sometimes it's ribs. She likes to cook on the weekends. Drives me insane. During the week, it's not so bad - all she does during the week is prepare dogfood. At least, I think that's what she's doing.
And that is another thing that drives me nuts. Well, just a little. It's silly really. I've noticed she keeps loads of ground beef in the freezer in the garage (I have permission to keep stuff in there too). Looks like four or five-pound bags of the stuff wrapped in freezer bags...there can be 12-15 of them sometimes. She must spend a fortune on ground meat. Nobody eats that much ground beef - she lives alone! The reason I think she's feeding it to her dog is that almost every day, there's this sound from upstairs...chopping and whirring, chopping and whirring. Constantly. It's like it's all she does during the week is make dog food. The sound of her food processor has woken me up more than once. I figure she thaws the beef, chops up other stuff to put in it and mixes it up in the food pro. Lucky damn dog.
Otherwise she's quite a tolerable landlady. Totally leaves me alone. I've never had reason to suspect she's come into my unit while I wasn't here. She never even knocks on the door when she needs me - she emails me. It's quite perfect that way.
So...home cooked meals. I can't wait to go to Ottawa in a few days. Even a fried egg sandwich at mum's will be devine. I've been homesick...though not so bad lately, as I know I'm going home soon. I really, really love the Halifax area, but any stray thoughts I might have had about staying here have petered off. Maybe it's because I know I'm not here permanently that's making me feel this way. There's a huge difference between being in a place you know is only temporary and being somewhere you know is permanent...at least for the foreseeable future. With me, nowhere is permanent, it seems.
After I'd been living back in Ottawa again for a few years, I'd started thinking maybe I'd move away again someday, if there were a compelling enough reason to do so. It's fun going somewhere new and learning about the place as a resident, and then moving on somewhere new after a few years. I may be getting too old for that now, though. Something about the familiarity of Ottawa, how well I know it, that my friends and family are there, all that is a lot more important to me nowadays than it was when Phil and I were gallavanting out in BC. I guess it makes a huge difference that I'm alone now too. Having Phil with me then was like taking home along with me wherever I went. Home is where the heart is, they say - and it's really true.
So, I'll wind up back in Ottawa next winter some time. I just hope I don't have to go back to my old job - at least not the way it was. Sounds like my replacement is doing really well in my absence. It would be nice if I could arrange it so I continue doing some special work when I go back to Ottawa.
Anyway...my car. Fuckaroonie, what a disaster. They told me it wasn't worth fixing because it's too old, and basically needs an engine overhaul. So I go out looking for a new car to buy, secure in the knowledge that if there's any problem getting a loan, my mum will co-sign for me. I was even getting excited about having a new vehicle. I found the perfect car - a little Toyota Corolla from a very reputable dealer. Nice warranty, everything's just perfect. Then I go to the bank to arrange the financing.
And I get the let-down of my life. They won't even consider giving me a loan - even with a co-signer. I felt my whole body go cold when she told me that. What the fuck?? Why not?? She wouldn't give me a straight answer. Just said that I won't be able to get a loan till I've been out of bankruptcy for 7 years. That's three and a half years away!! My car won't last that long!
So I'm going to have to fix it. I have no choice. I'm going to have to sink upwards of $1500 into an old car that I probably couldn't even sell for that much. I have to keep it running at least till I get home next year. I don't know what I'll do then, but I'm not going to worry about it right now.
The only bright side is that at least I have the money to do the repairs now. So I'll do it - if the mechanic will even agree to it. I have the feeling that he's so upstanding that he won't allow me to spend that kind of money on that car. He'll insist I figure out a way to buy a different car. Well - I can't. So he'll just have to do it.
I feel like I'm being treated as if I have a communicable disease here. No one else I've known who's been bankrupt has had these kinds of problems. I can't even get a frinking secured credit card for god's sake. What's the deal here! I think I need to change banks. Maybe that's the problem. Goddam Bank of Montreal. There's no reason I have to stay with them - unless it'll be a pain to move my RRSP. I don't know. I want to tell them to fuck off and die. Their policies are unfair. How am I supposed to restore my credit rating if they won't let me borrow money or have credit securely? How can they be at risk with a co-signed loan or a secured credit card? It makes no sense whatsoever. It's like they're taking a personal interest in PUNISHING me for having gone bankrupt.
To hell with them. I'm going to look into changing banks.
And I'm going to stop writing now, cuz all I'm doing is getting myself pissed of, and I'm on vacation, so I don't need that shit.
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